Tag Archives: my mother

Missing My Best Friend – News

I am missing my Best Friend

My eyes are red, swollen and teared up once more as I write this, my remembrances of my Mother and her death. My Mother passed away on November 10th, 2014.

Picture from My Mothers Graduation2011 Christmas Time, I captured these two lovers, My best Friend, my Mother and My Father.

2011 Christmas Time, I captured these two lovers, My best Friend, my Mother and My Father.

I thought I was stronger than what I am, and it hurts that I missed a lot as Mom laid on her death bed, this was all due to my experiencing a severely painful ulcer.  I tried to pack up to go stay with Dad and spend time at Mom’s death bed and I was repeatedly stopped in my tracks as I went into cold sweats and severe stomach pain, stress… oh stressed out so bad. I tried to relax but yet my stomach demanded food all the time and still nauseous and severe burning in my stomach… hunched over I was packed but now only getting 3 hours of sleep at a time. I tried everything I could to ease it, the choice was see the doctor or go to the hospital, I chose to see the doctor. I worked myself into an ulcer during the past 3 months and the news of my Mothers dying brought the ulcer to a severe state. Things are getting a little better now, but still I am not well and I am trying to hold of on the Endoscopy until next month, to see if I can get better on my own. I wish I had more time with Mom at her at her bedside, but I was fortunate that I was able to be strong enough to ignore the pain a few hours at a time and spend a few hours at Mom’s bedside on Friday and a few hours on Saturday, thanks to some medications from the doctor. Several days later my Mother passed away… my husband held me as I wanted to drop to the floor with the pain of loss. Oh how I am missing my best friend, my world is missing one very special and loving person, my Mother.

In Loving Memory of Mom Full Card
Click to read about My Mother and her wonderful life.

Here is her Obituary from The Daily Camera: Click Here

My Sister created a beautiful video here it is:

The thumbnail (the picture before this video starts up) is Mom and me on Valentines Day this year. Mom was teasing me about my cleavage and kept trying to cover my chest up by holding the crochet shawl I made her, over my chest. lol

And my very talented Sister, Michelle Marasch Ouellette also wrote the most wonderful Eulogy:

Our mother’s eyes.

Mom and her artwork
Mom and her artwork

Our mother’s eyes were always trained on beauty, seeking it out in butterflies, flaming mountain skies, the English flower garden behind our Minnesota house or the faces of her children and grandchildren.

I am grateful for those eyes. They taught us to see.

For me, it was a warm summer’s day in Wappinger’s Falls, N.Y. Milty and I sat at a table, looking at an ant. Mom asked us to draw. Like most kids, I drew three circles, then, added some sticks for legs.

“No,” Mom stopped me. “Look, really look. Are those circles?”

I looked. I really looked. They weren’t. They were odd, imperfect, pinched at one end, round and flat at another, and they, in their imperfect form, were far more interesting and beautiful than circles.

This is a lesson that I am still learning – to see life as it really is and not simply as my mind forms it.

Our mother’s hands.

They never rested.

They shaped works of art: sculpted hard metal, molded soft clay, embroidered silk. They wiped childish tears, cleaned soiled seats, scrubbed grape jelly grins.

No, they never rested. They seemed made to clean, to fashion, to create.

Even late night, as we rested, gathering to watch a movie or play a game, those hands would be moving, cleaning, sweeping the floor, planning her latest creation, a grandson’s baptism gown, a new oil painting of a granddaughter or a hand-painted wisteria blooming on the walls of our history room.

Those hands changed us kids, gave us a work ethic, helped turn us all into artists in our own right.

Our mother’s mind.

As a child, our mother was an avid reader. She’d sneak a flashlight and books into bed with her and read all night.

She told me this story once and made me curious. What was there about reading that would make her do that?

So I checked out book after book after book, Nancy Drew and Mom’s favorite “Little Women.”

That summer changed my life. I became a reader.

I know for each of us, the story is different, but I can’t help thinking that Mom’s sharp mind helped guide us, making us what we are today.

Our mother’s heart.

Our mother’s heart was the bearer of love — a fierce love for us, her children, and for my dad.

She used to say she wished she could keep us in shoe boxes — she would love to keep us small. This used to scare me so.

She flew out to see me when my eldest was born. One night, he had such cramps that he howled and howled through the night. She took him from me, cradled him in her arms and sent me to bed while she rocked and rocked and rocked him right into the wee hours.

I think that’s what she wanted to do with each of us, when we had a pain in our hearts, our heads or our bodies — hold us in her arms and rock, rock, rock us gently through our dark, dark night.

This week, in the midst of all her pain, we wanted to return the favor and hold her in our arms all the way through her dark night.

She has made it through, and we are grateful. While we can no longer hold her in our arms, we continue to hold her in our hearts and thank her for all she created with those eyes, that mind, those hands, that heart.

Artwork, Jesus by Nancy Marasch, my Mother
Mom’s Artwork Sample 1
Mom's Poetry to her Mother in her Calligraphy and Artwork.
Mom’s Poetry to her Mother in her Calligraphy and Artwork.

I couldn’t have said it better myself… we have such great gifts of creativity, all of us siblings, we are all Artists now. I learned to and continue to seek out beauty all around me too. I see the beauty in people’s eyes… Mom taught me with her love of others to adopt those around me as brothers, sisters and parents, as she adopted people as Aunts, Uncles etc into our lives when we were kids.

Mom’s eyes were sometimes clouded with her being such a people person and the love of others, and she got hurt sometimes as she befriended some people who ended up hurting her and using her as she was such a giver. She’d call in tears as once again she was hurt by someone taking advantage of her generous nature or saying hateful things and lies. That I too have experienced… I have a lot of her in me, the good and the not so good, but I wouldn’t change a thing, she helped to mold me into the loving, creative person that I am today.

Just a picture of me looking sad. I am so sad now... Missing My Best Friend My Mother.
Just a picture of me looking sad. I am so sad now… Missing My Best Friend My Mother.

Not all of Mom’s lessons took. Mom tried to make me stronger, I’ve always been overly sensitive. As an adult I learned to cry in private, in most cases putting a strong brave face out for the world to see… however right now I am a weak little ball of mush, all too emotional to sensitive. Really, at this time, I don’t care who sees my tears, my pain and my broken heart. I cry as I write this. Mom always said, “Mariah, don’t cry…” I would try not to cry, but her saying that made me break down more, every time. She sensed when I was near tears, even before they flowed. During the rosary reading (the night before Mom’s funeral) I heard my Mothers voice in my head saying “Mariah don’t cry,” and of course I broke down worse and cried very hard.  I think it hurt her deeply to see her child cry, and she was trying to make me stronger. During her funeral I again tried not to cry, as I was sure she was looking down on us… hey, what can I say it didn’t work. I have never cried so hard and hurt so… my heart is broken as I am missing my best friend, my Mother.

Love and hugs,

Your Teary Eyed Blogger, Mariah

PS: Sponsors, and Followers, please excuse my absence as I go through this most difficult time. My ulcer and my broken heart are slowly mending and I will be back soon as I can with the over due reviews, and some DIY projects too!




Some More News – Joan (my former blog partner) And my Mother Too – Health Wellness


Hi all, just a brief bit of news here.

Joan & Mariah Friends and Former Co-Owners of Joan and Mariahs Reviews & Giveaways (blog now closed) The first bit of news is about my former Blog partner for those of you who remember her from our old blog (that is closed now) Joan and Mariah’s Reviews & Giveaways. Joan is in the hospital again, as she’s very sick with what looks like problems with her Lupus SLE and a small stroke again. It also sounds like Joan is over doing it with some issues she’s dealing with at home, I won’t go into details here since that is up to her to talk about them, if she wishes. So, my friends, if you visit Joan’s blog at Joan’s 5 Star Reviews, it’s been a almost 2 months since her last post and it may be a while longer before she’s up to posting again… I send out my thoughts, and prayers for my sweet friend and her family and I hope you do the same.

A picture of Mariah Lockwood's MotherThe next bit of news is some great news again about my Mother, you will probably be getting sick of hearing about her soon. However I am very excited and optimistic for her latest developments (the previous developments were posted on my last post). Not only is she now moving her right leg inward now but she called again last night and said she can now wiggle the toes on that leg… AND when they were working with her in physical therapy they felt her tighten her butt muscles too!

So here my dear, lovely readers, as I close up this post after a mixture of bad news and good news, I wish to ask of you one thing for these two wonderful people… Please continue sending your warm thoughts and blessings for my Mother, Father and please add Joan Penfold too. May Joan get better soon and things improve at her home so that she will not overwork herself there and continue getting sick like this. Joan would appreciate it, I am sure, if you left her some messages full of care and concern for her here and I will make sure that she visits the blog to see your messages.

Love and hugs,




Great Hopes, and Dreams have me Grinning from Ear to Ear – Update on my Mother – News



Hello there everyone, I have been grinning from ear to ear for about 19 hours here and I am finally up and moving around more today, so it’s time to share some news.


Why am I grinning from ear to ear… well lets start off with the fact that the Life Care Center in Longmont had decided that it would be time to have my Mother go home next Tuesday as there has been no progress for her. That happened a few days ago. Things changed yesterday, suddenly my Mother could move her right leg, and she called me late last night with the news! This is why I am grinning from ear to ear and my face is starting to hurt from smiling.

My Mother and Father in 2012

Here is a copy of my fathers email as he couldn’t wait to get the news out and break it to some people that Mother wasn’t able to reach by phone last night:

 “(I) Know Mom has already called you all, but to verify:
Yesterday the performed several blind tests on Mom.  She was able to tell them where they were touching her on both legs.  Could not move it and could not sense hot or cold, but could plainly feel their touch.  Much more plainly on the right leg.
Today was something of a miracle.  For the first time since surgery, she was able to move her right leg.  After someone else separating them, she was able to move her right leg several inches until it was in contact with her left leg.  So far she is unable to move it in the  other direction.  But it is definite progress.  She did this several times during the day.  The therapist says it is common that motion recovery starts only in one direction at a time. So, please keep the prayers and encouragement coming.  She has shown vast improvement in the last two days.

Love,  Dad”

Anyhow, I simply HAD to share the news as many of you have been voicing your concern and your wishing for more updates on my Mother.

I called my Mother today and teased her on the phone, telling her “Mom, was I dreaming that you called me with news that you moved your leg last night?”… she got excited and said “No, you WEREN’T DREAMING… it’s true!” I laughed and let her know that I was just teasing and she of course laughed saying “I just knew you were teasing, you’ve always been such a little devil!” lol

My Mother and Father in about 2010
My Mother and Father in about 2010, before my Mothers illnesses started making it hard for her to eat. Autoimmune problems, they assume.

We laughed on the phone and cried, she finally admitted that she cried too, that she was upset that some people knew about the changes and the miracle before she got a chance to tell them herself! Lol Yup Dad sure got the word out to everyone, lol, just goes to show how very excited he is for her too.

Please everyone, keep the positive thoughts and prayers going for my Mother and send out a happy note for the fact that she is showing some improvements. We certainly have a very good sign here right now, lets hope and pray that it continues to improve!

Thank you everyone for all your thoughts and prayers for my Mother!

Love and (((hugs))),


Update on My Mother & St Patricks Day Get together.


Closeup of Mom on St Pats Day 2013 in Longmont life care center
My Mother in her wheelchair and her huge brace… being a real good sport as she wears goofy St Pats Day Glasses.

Hi all, I know I have received requests for updates on my Mother, this weekend on St. Patrick’s Day we had a get together at the Longmont Care Facility where she is going through Rehabilitation. They are trying to teach her to scoot out of her chair and into bed and working with physical therapy there for her new condition (being a paraplegic). She is worried they will kick her out of there before she is ready and she is so weak she’s having problems with the ramp like thing that can help her get in and out of bed into her wheelchair.

Other than that her mood seems good, although she complained about some physical therapist that I think was really worried about her spirits possibly being masked and being at a lower point then she likes to show. At least that is my thoughts, since she said they asked her about a 4 letter word and I am not sure if they asked if it was to be about her or her condition or what… but she said she replied “cr_p” (you can fill in the blank) and then she told me she was only joking but then she got told something negative about her mood or her mental state as a result.

And of course she complains about how hard physical therapy is on her, but then again who doesn’t? lol

Otherwise, Mom was fun, funny, full of stories and loving having the family around her. She went along with my sister placing a big shamrock “tattoo” on her cheek and later with putting on goofy glasses for St. Pats Day. Mom really enjoyed the dinner and especially the soda bread with dinner.

1 from Michelle's Facebook post. Mom and Dad St. Pats Day 2013
The full picture that my sister took of Mom being a sport, that is my father in the St Pats Day hat.

I have to admit that before dinner we had a nice little visit with Mom, at about the time in which I was trying to figure out how to get this low hospital like bed to sit up for her some nurses showed up and kicked us out of the room to help change Mom etc. It wasn’t until this time that, as one of my brothers said, I “sprung a leak”. I stood at first with just my husband and I in the hall and I broke down… my brother, who I think went with his wife and children to go look at the fish somewhere else in the building, came up and I welled up again, just as I thought I got myself under control. Swollen eyes and stopped crying after a great big hug, I then asked for hugs from my 3 adorable nieces and nephews.

I looked up from these hugs and there was my brother, that Mom told me to expect to arrive for one day on Monday from Vermont… oh my heart swelled with joy to see him, as I gave him a big hug and kiss! A few minutes later my sister from New York appeared… what warmth surrounded me as I then threw my arms around her too.

most of my half of the table as we laughed at my nephew for his diving face first into his cake to eat the frosting
Far Left is me,the rest from left to right my brother, my sister, standing over my nephew and than my niece… as this side of the table watch my nephew as he dove face first into his piece of cake to eat the icing. St. Pats Day at the Rehab Center with Mom and Family

All in all we had a great time together and a great Irish dinner of corned beef, cabbage, red potatoes, carrots, soda bread and it was followed up by a nice St. Pats Day decorated cake. Unfortunately we cut the visit short as I tried to sneak in 2 pain pills and my husband Rick noticed and said we should go home. I explained that I’ve been fighting a terrible new for the past 3 days and by afternoon and evening I am pretty much bed ridden with such pain I cannot do much. Luckily today is a bit better as my meds are controlling the neck pain and the migraines a little bit better, though I am ready to go lay down soon.

Please friends keep the well wishes coming in for support for my whole family, my Mother and me too… I’ve been grieving some here for my Mother and all she is going through and for her being so weak at 71 pounds. I wish so much that I had the health, wealth and strength that I could use at this time to really help out a lot with everything that this new disability will bring… I want to give my Mother some hope for her future and not feel like she cannot find great times, fun and still do much with being a paraplegic.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I knew I forgot something when we left for Longmont to see Mom, and it was my camera. The pictures in here were from facebook, from my Sister and Sister-in-law.