Hi there all, I am refocusing my blog on much more with OH Honestly Mariah 2.0.
With this new updated version of the blog I will be bringing you not only my reviews & giveaways, but also some DIY projects, Arts & Crafts and frugal tips. Mixed in this you will find some posts about life and family.
I apologize for those of you anxiously awaiting my return since my Mothers death. I however had felt the need to reevaluate my priorities and hence the changes to my blog. Family, Friends and my Arts, crafts, and even (hopefully) some Community Theater and Voice Over work in the future will be occupying more of my time than the blog. However I do plan to share it all with you as OH Honestly Mariah 2.0 progresses.
I look forward to sharing more with you lovely folks soon!
My eyes are red, swollen and teared up once more as I write this, my remembrances of my Mother and her death. My Mother passed away on November 10th, 2014.
2011 Christmas Time, I captured these two lovers, My best Friend, my Mother and My Father.
I thought I was stronger than what I am, and it hurts that I missed a lot as Mom laid on her death bed, this was all due to my experiencing a severely painful ulcer. I tried to pack up to go stay with Dad and spend time at Mom’s death bed and I was repeatedly stopped in my tracks as I went into cold sweats and severe stomach pain, stress… oh stressed out so bad. I tried to relax but yet my stomach demanded food all the time and still nauseous and severe burning in my stomach… hunched over I was packed but now only getting 3 hours of sleep at a time. I tried everything I could to ease it, the choice was see the doctor or go to the hospital, I chose to see the doctor. I worked myself into an ulcer during the past 3 months and the news of my Mothers dying brought the ulcer to a severe state. Things are getting a little better now, but still I am not well and I am trying to hold of on the Endoscopy until next month, to see if I can get better on my own. I wish I had more time with Mom at her at her bedside, but I was fortunate that I was able to be strong enough to ignore the pain a few hours at a time and spend a few hours at Mom’s bedside on Friday and a few hours on Saturday, thanks to some medications from the doctor. Several days later my Mother passed away… my husband held me as I wanted to drop to the floor with the pain of loss. Oh how I am missing my best friend, my world is missing one very special and loving person, my Mother.
Here is her Obituary from The Daily Camera: Click Here
My Sister created a beautiful video here it is:
The thumbnail (the picture before this video starts up) is Mom and me on Valentines Day this year. Mom was teasing me about my cleavage and kept trying to cover my chest up by holding the crochet shawl I made her, over my chest. lol
And my very talented Sister, Michelle Marasch Ouellette also wrote the most wonderful Eulogy:
Our mother’s eyes.
Our mother’s eyes were always trained on beauty, seeking it out in butterflies, flaming mountain skies, the English flower garden behind our Minnesota house or the faces of her children and grandchildren.
I am grateful for those eyes. They taught us to see.
For me, it was a warm summer’s day in Wappinger’s Falls, N.Y. Milty and I sat at a table, looking at an ant. Mom asked us to draw. Like most kids, I drew three circles, then, added some sticks for legs.
“No,” Mom stopped me. “Look, really look. Are those circles?”
I looked. I really looked. They weren’t. They were odd, imperfect, pinched at one end, round and flat at another, and they, in their imperfect form, were far more interesting and beautiful than circles.
This is a lesson that I am still learning – to see life as it really is and not simply as my mind forms it.
Our mother’s hands.
They never rested.
They shaped works of art: sculpted hard metal, molded soft clay, embroidered silk. They wiped childish tears, cleaned soiled seats, scrubbed grape jelly grins.
No, they never rested. They seemed made to clean, to fashion, to create.
Even late night, as we rested, gathering to watch a movie or play a game, those hands would be moving, cleaning, sweeping the floor, planning her latest creation, a grandson’s baptism gown, a new oil painting of a granddaughter or a hand-painted wisteria blooming on the walls of our history room.
Those hands changed us kids, gave us a work ethic, helped turn us all into artists in our own right.
Our mother’s mind.
As a child, our mother was an avid reader. She’d sneak a flashlight and books into bed with her and read all night.
She told me this story once and made me curious. What was there about reading that would make her do that?
So I checked out book after book after book, Nancy Drew and Mom’s favorite “Little Women.”
That summer changed my life. I became a reader.
I know for each of us, the story is different, but I can’t help thinking that Mom’s sharp mind helped guide us, making us what we are today.
Our mother’s heart.
Our mother’s heart was the bearer of love — a fierce love for us, her children, and for my dad.
She used to say she wished she could keep us in shoe boxes — she would love to keep us small. This used to scare me so.
She flew out to see me when my eldest was born. One night, he had such cramps that he howled and howled through the night. She took him from me, cradled him in her arms and sent me to bed while she rocked and rocked and rocked him right into the wee hours.
I think that’s what she wanted to do with each of us, when we had a pain in our hearts, our heads or our bodies — hold us in her arms and rock, rock, rock us gently through our dark, dark night.
This week, in the midst of all her pain, we wanted to return the favor and hold her in our arms all the way through her dark night.
She has made it through, and we are grateful. While we can no longer hold her in our arms, we continue to hold her in our hearts and thank her for all she created with those eyes, that mind, those hands, that heart.
I couldn’t have said it better myself… we have such great gifts of creativity, all of us siblings, we are all Artists now. I learned to and continue to seek out beauty all around me too. I see the beauty in people’s eyes… Mom taught me with her love of others to adopt those around me as brothers, sisters and parents, as she adopted people as Aunts, Uncles etc into our lives when we were kids.
Mom’s eyes were sometimes clouded with her being such a people person and the love of others, and she got hurt sometimes as she befriended some people who ended up hurting her and using her as she was such a giver. She’d call in tears as once again she was hurt by someone taking advantage of her generous nature or saying hateful things and lies. That I too have experienced… I have a lot of her in me, the good and the not so good, but I wouldn’t change a thing, she helped to mold me into the loving, creative person that I am today.
Not all of Mom’s lessons took. Mom tried to make me stronger, I’ve always been overly sensitive. As an adult I learned to cry in private, in most cases putting a strong brave face out for the world to see… however right now I am a weak little ball of mush, all too emotional to sensitive. Really, at this time, I don’t care who sees my tears, my pain and my broken heart. I cry as I write this. Mom always said, “Mariah, don’t cry…” I would try not to cry, but her saying that made me break down more, every time. She sensed when I was near tears, even before they flowed. During the rosary reading (the night before Mom’s funeral) I heard my Mothers voice in my head saying “Mariah don’t cry,” and of course I broke down worse and cried very hard. I think it hurt her deeply to see her child cry, and she was trying to make me stronger. During her funeral I again tried not to cry, as I was sure she was looking down on us… hey, what can I say it didn’t work. I have never cried so hard and hurt so… my heart is broken as I am missing my best friend, my Mother.
Love and hugs,
Your Teary Eyed Blogger, Mariah
PS: Sponsors, and Followers, please excuse my absence as I go through this most difficult time. My ulcer and my broken heart are slowly mending and I will be back soon as I can with the over due reviews, and some DIY projects too!
Today we have the winner for the Crave Naturals Detangling Brush, Congratulations! I have sent her out an email and she has 72 hours to respond to make this win official or I will need to pick another winner. Congratulations goes out to:
I am pulling into the slow lane here as I deal with issues at home and stressors in my life. I need to deal with things here and so my posts will be slowing down. My mind is muddled and scattered right now and I realize I must deal with situations that have just popped up in my life. Sometimes life throws us all a curve ball, but we all have stuff to deal with in real life. Wisdom comes when we realize it’s time to slow down and time to deal with the problems that come up, right?
I know that this is a strange post, but I want to share with you the reason for my lack of posts going on this week and my slowing down as time goes on here. My stress level is at max, I am dealing with neck-ache headaches all the time and it hasn’t help that I have started stressing more and more lately. I find that I hold my in my neck and shoulders as we deal with multiple situations here at home. Pain already makes it difficult to function, and with spinal stenosis in the neck and other vertebrae and it makes it hard at times to type, much less think, it is worse right now.
I am a wreck at the moment folks, my stress level and emotions running amok.
I am making an effort to write this out so I can share with you some events in life, it’s both therapeutic for me to share and it may help others know that they are not alone.
Let my start off with what all is happening at home here:
As you all may or may not know my Mother lost use of her legs from back surgery a year and a half ago, Dad and Mom have agreed to get home hospice care for Mom now.
My husband had 4 stints put in his heart one year ago and he’s due for his yearly stress test.
We are still dealing with Contractors and Insurance for the hail damage on our home and our detached garage, over 2 months since our claim.
Insurance wouldn’t cover the damage to the siding on the garage, but they did allow for our repainting. So hubby and I, disabled, are dealing with replacing the siding, caulking and painting little by little as we are in such pain it is taking us a long time. And we still have to address the black mold in the garage additions.
Financial situations with being disabled and dealing with medications and doctors expenses.
We still haven’t had the roof repaired as there are concerns with getting it up to code, it seems that the extensions on the detached garage have problems with the way that they were built, years before we bought the house. One side roof has not been slanted correctly and needs special treatment to repair for it to get it up to code. The other side has an extension on it as well and the roof needs some sort of thing called an ice shield over top of that too. I don’t understand all of this construction stuff, but we are dealing with Insurance, Roofing Contractors and local Code Inspectors to get this 2 month plus situation resolved. Once the roof is replaced hubby and I can take care of the black mold inside the extensions.
I’ve been stressing over hubby’s heart since lately he’s been feeling flutters in it and just as I am writing this the Cardiologists office just called and said that he is not approved for the stress test, by the insurance company. *sigh* Here I was stressing about Friday, worried for the worst possible scenario, and we now have it all postponed when we’ve been waiting for this and knowing something is wrong. Now a longer wait to see the Cardiologist is in order and the stress test, which caused a heart attack last year will be later, once our insurance approves it. *sigh*
We have financial concerns here, this is the reason for my having affiliate banners on my blog, in hopes that folks may be interested in ordering from these companies and I may earn some money on the blog to help us with our financial worries here. Some months it costs us $300 to $400 extra dollars for doctors visits and already our medications are putting our credit cards to their limits. Now with our Insurance claim, extra specialists for both hubby and I we are over extending ourselves. As it is one of the medications that helped hubby and I for our chronic pain issues, we cannot afford so we go without. However there are medications that are necessary for my husband’s heart and the stints put in last year.
My husband and I being disabled do what we can to help me get up to my parents home in the foothills here in Colorado. Gas prices are bad enough, but since I wear out from a long car ride and I can seldom drive more than 20 minutes without severe pain flare, it takes time and energy for me to get up there. I spend about 10 days up there when I go, and I try to do what I can to help out. My parents finally gave in a year and a half after doctors recommended Hospice Care for Mom at home, and this has caused major misunderstandings and great emotions from one of my siblings. It all comes out of love but that sibling is blinded by his misunderstanding the meaning of hospice care, he believes it’s substandard care and end of life care.
I know that most of you don’t know how hyper sensitive I am, but I’m dealing with being scolded, knocked down verbally on the phone and treated like I don’t care about my Mother… all because I tried to calm a sibling down from being upset about Home Hospice Care for Mom, really upset me. This option of Home Hospice Care does not mean we expect Mom to die anytime soon, nor does it mean substandard medical care. Understandably all this does indeed come out of love and concern for Mom. But I wish that it was understood that I didn’t feel that this was news that should have anyone mad at me for not sharing, when my parents shared it with me… I was relieved, knowing some about this care, that my parents finally got this help at home with Mom. Knowing that I am thought of as not caring and that I don’t feel that an emergency is going on really hurts me and of course has added to my stress level.
Anyhow folks, like I said my brain is overwhelmed, muddled and scattered right now, I hope that this post (although venting some) makes sense to you all. I am an emotional wreck at this moment in time and I need to slow down and cope with home life and real life situations right now.
Thank you so much for all of your wonderful readers, for being here for me at times like this! I don’t know if you all realize how very much this means to me that you are so understanding and I appreciate all your wonderful thoughts and prayers heading to me, my husband, my family and my parents.