Published on: October 10th 2015 Originally Written on: October 15th thru 18th 2014. Today almost a year after this was written, I am ready to share this with you all... today I reflect upon my last visit with Mom (in person) before her death in November of 2014.
Through tear drenched cheeks and reddened eyes, I nod my head… I knew the moment was yet to come. “Oh God Not Yet! Not NOW!” No I dared not think of it… no it wouldn’t, it couldn’t…
God yes, it did! And tonight was the night… Tonight was the night that it really hurt once more, this time more personal than ever.
I love the lady, I love her dearly. To her I am a stranger, today we talk of old times, to her it’s a game. I nod, I laugh and I reassure and sooth her soft sweet face.
The lady is so sweet and kind to me, a stranger, she doesn’t know me. She smiles, she asks me about my Mother… “She’s not alive is she honey, your mother?” “Yes (she’s alive)” I respond, “however she’s very sick, and she doesn’t remember me.” The lady lifts her feeble hand very slowly and tries to comfort me as I break down into tears. She nods and looks at me with the sweetest look, “That happens,” she says as she offers to share the quilt that she is laying under and she tells me that she’s “worried that I will get cold.”
I tell her i would share the quilt with her “but I have hot flashes, you see I am an old lady.” I ask her, “are you familiar with hot flashes?” to which she nods and tells me of the puddle left on a friends floor and how embarrasses she was. We laugh… I laugh. She ensures me that I am not old (she has been repeatedly calling me a little girl since we have been talking today)… she is so very sweet, kind and loving to me, a complete stranger in her eyes.
We talk of times long ago, she talks of these things she had experienced with her daughter, her daughter Mariah. She talks of the love she has for that daughter and of the silly things that her daughter had done and her devilish antics. How she made her laugh and how she even acted mad, although she wasn’t really. She tells me of the remarkable person her daughter is and how she loves her artwork (painting) and how she wishes that her daughter would spend more time creating, painting etc. We laugh, talk and I hear the stories of this daughter of hers, I ask questions and I hear nothing but a heart full of love.
It is time to get some sleep after a full day and I wish her “good night Mom,” a mistake was made again as I called her Mom. I hear her scold, yelling across the house to me “I am not your Mother!!” This is not meant out of anything but love that she says this, I know that… she is concerned for the “young lady” that she has been talking to all day. The pain in my heart is real and tears start to flow again, I just want my Mother to know me… I know too that this hurts Dad as well as he’d been telling her over and over again that I am their eldest daughter Mariah.
Oct 16th, I awake with eyes swollen from my crying the previous night. I am ready for the day however, refreshed and loving this woman, my Mother more than ever. I hope that if I ever experience dementia that I could show love to whomever I see and talk to, like my Mother… My Mother who is now her true self, her basic self, she is truly a very loving and nurturing self.
Mom, wakes up and first thing she tells me is, “No matter what anyone else says, you are my daughter…” My Spirit Soars! however she continues “… my daughter in spirit.” My heart sinks for a minute, and yet I manage a smile and thank her. Then upon reflection, I discover that in me is suddenly a huge happiness, “How fitting” I think to myself “how true, in spirit indeed.” I smile to myself and think, “WOW! Who gets to pick their children? My Mother would choose me as her child”. Deep down in her soul, I feel she knows me in some unreachable place she feels (but not knowing why) that we have a special connection.
The day is spent talking, while she is awake, doing her makeup with her wonderful airbrushed makeup and again doing her lashes with the 3D mascara… I watch and giggle as she flirts with Dad, fluttering her eyelashes as she has since I first got up there on the 11th. She gingerly lifts up her hands and reaches for his loving face to caress and kiss him. I tease and say “Oh mush!” Such love she shows for my Dad, I am touched to see these two still so in love!
Dementia is hard to take my friends, but I discovered, through this, the loving, caring and nurturing spirit of my Mother, a truly beautiful soul. her love shines through dementia or Alzheimer’s…
Today is November 3rd and the news is not good… my Mother is “shutting down,” she doesn’t have long to live now as her body is just giving up. February of 2013 my Mother lost use of her legs during surgery, and dementia started to be noticeable a few months ago. I am going to travel back up to my parents house and spend time with my Father and visiting my Mother daily (with Dad of course) at the Hospice place where she is currently.
Please send blessings, good thoughts and prayers for my family and my parents friends as we all go through this difficult time.
Bless you all, may your days be filled with health, love, warmth and feeling appreciated,